“I’ve Never Fallen In Love” by Elizabeth Singh

                                 I’ve never fallen in love,

              But I’ve watched enough teen films to make up for the lack.

                                 I’ve never fallen in love,

                 But I’ve memorized the sounds of my friends’ laughter and the creases in their temples when they smile. I’ve binged television shows late at night with my sisters beside me on the couch. I’ve received handwritten letters and homemade gifts of necklaces and bracelets. I’ve made strangers smile, some even laugh.

                                 I’ve never fallen in love,

                But I’ve witnessed a thousand sunsets and a thousand sun rises from the view of one in a passenger seat. I’ve been greeted by dogs on the street; their noses smelling my feet and their tongues kissing my cheeks. My tongue has tasted golden cups of coffee and my chin and nose have dealt with the consequences of my messy encounters with ice cream. I’ve seen the moon reflect through the window in my room, and I can spot Orion in the sky.

Though, I wonder if it’s all enough to fill the gap of knowing I’ve never fallen in love.

                 I dress with the same pair of trousers and shirts every day, my hair kept in the same braids. I light the same candles each night, and spend my weekends tucked away in my room. I talk to same three girls each day. I walk silently along the halls of school, and I only speak in class if it’s to ask, “Can I go to the bathroom?”

                  I wonder if that that is why I’ve never fallen in love. If my fear of touching something I can’t see is what’s holding me back. It’s terrifying to walk across a tightrope over the sea when you feel like the shadow to a flame, when you’ve watched life from the view of the passenger, instead of the driver.

                 Falling in love does not always intend falling in love with someone else but falling in love with the days you awake in each day.

                   I want to touch a thousand sunsets and a thousand sunrises. I want to glide across the sky like a paper airplane, exploring and experiencing new worlds. I want to take trains to unknown places and learn to memorize the sound of the ocean.

But, to want is one thing. To have is another.

                  I cannot touch a thousand sunsets and a thousand sunrises, not as long I am still in the passenger seat. I have to run through the raging field between the sun and me, passing the wild bees and thick weeds. I have to be okay to fall, to scrape my knee. I have to let go of what’s stepped on my chest for so long.

                   I’ve never fallen in love, and maybe it’s time I attempt to try.

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